Yep, you saw the title. And we can jump right into side stuff.

Lost in the Lost Woods

Okay, from the Sanctuary, head left two screens. You can kill the Hyrule Guards if you want. There's also a building here. This is the Fortune Teller's house. Don't go inside and don't have your fortune told because the Fortune Teller will take however many Rupees he wants from you when he's done (although he will restore your health for free). Plus he's plain creepy. Just ignore him. Or better yet, you can stay away from his house.

From here, head north into the hole in the trees. You're now in the Lost Woods. This is a big maze of logs and stuff. Also, you need to watch out for the enemies. Guays will fly out at you from the trees, and you won't be able to kill them with your Sword before they fly away. You'll also find Thieves here. DON'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE THIEVES IF YOU VALUE YOUR RUPEES, because touching the Thief makes you lose a lot of them and the Thief will probably pick them up before you can. Also, you may notice some moving bushes. If you see them, PICK THEM UP. Do NOT use your Sword. Picking them up will reveal a Hoarder. These aren't enemies. They run around dropping Rupees. Pick them up if you see one. Every seven green Rupees or so you'll get a nice red one. Pick up the Rupees quickly because the Hoarder only lasts for a short period of time.

You'll also notice swords in the forest. Ignore them. These are decoy Master Swords and you can't use them for anything except throwing ammunition. Although it is funny to see Link holding a sword above his head by the blade and not the handle and not get hurt.

Now, from where you enter the Lost Woods, follow the path north and you'll come to a tree stump with a hole in it and nine bushes in a square. Hack n' slash the bushes (be aware that bushes can now hide Guards or land mines, which can be deadly (land mines take away one whole heart)). The bush in the middle is a pit. Jump on in! You'll land on a ledge with a Piece of Heart. For every four Pieces of Heart, you'll win an extra Heart Container. Grab it, and jump off the ledge and go into the room to the left. You'll find the leader of the gang of Thieves, who will basically tell you to shut up. Leave to the south and you'll exit via the hole in the tree stump.

Go northwest from here and you'll see some logs. Go in the log to the left. You'll see a bunch of trees and a Mushroom beyond them. Grab the 'shroom. You need this item for later in this part of the walkthrough.

You're done in the Lost Woods, so leave the way you came.

Finally! We get to make fun of old people again!

Yep. From the entrance to the Lost Woods, go south until you hear the music change. You're in Kakariko Village. Apparently Agahnim knows you saved Zelda, and he put up a propaganda campaign to say that you "kidnapped" Zelda. What's worse, two of the women in town (they're the ones standing outside walking in circles) actually believe it. I'm pretty sure they're a bunch of morons, or their husbands are soldiers. Anyway, if you talk to or approach EITHER of them (one is wearing a yellow dress with red hair and the other is wearing a blue dress), they'll run into their houses, lock their doors, and send a soldier at you. This is a green Guard, but he uses a spear instead of a sword, so his attacks will take away a full Heart Container. Beware of these people. Or, it's best to avoid them altogether. If you want, you can go into the house behind the woman in the yellow dress and pull on her picture for some free Rupees.

Anyway, the first house you come to (the one with two doors) is Sahasrahla's house. But he's not there. His wife will tell you the legend behind the Master Sword. Some priests or something forged it during the Imprisoning War and hoped to find someone who was pure enough to use it. But they couldn't (of course, Nintendo had to be lame and retconned this story by 1998. I still consider this the true story of how it happened (eat your heart out, OoT fans)). Anyway, leave this house and go to the far northwest corner of this village. You'll see a well here. Jump in from the ledge above it and you'll land in a cave next to some chests. The first chest you see will have three Bombs. You can use the A button to pick up and throw a Bomb you already placed, just so you know, but just be aware of their short fuses. The other two chests here hold Rupees.

Don't jump off the ledge just yet! Look at the wall. You'll see a spot in the wall that looks kind of weird. This is a crack, and you can set a Bomb next to the crack to open the door behind it. Go inside and you'll find a chest with another Piece of Heart. Now you can exit this cave by jumping off the ledge and going out the door.

Now that you have Bombs, go into the house to the left of Sahasrahla's house. The woman here will tell you that this used to be a hangout for thieves. Their leader was named Blind and he hated sunlight a lot. Go down to the basement. There are four chests here, each with Rupees inside, but you'll have to push the blocks around to get them. You'll be solving this puzzle on your own, amigos. Anyway, there's a crack in the north wall of this room if you see it. Inside is a chest with a Piece of Heart.

Head south from this house to find a man with a turban. He's selling Magic Bottles for 100 Rupees apiece. Definitely buy one (it's the only one you can buy from him). You can use Magic Bottles to store stuff you buy and find and then use it later. Now, head south. You'll see a large number of bushes on the left. Cut them if you want. You'll also see a house with a woman outside. She'll tell you that she trusts you. I like to slash her with my sword and then hear her say that again (since she can't be harmed; townsfolk are somehow immune to all your attacks). There's also a guy who will run off if you approach him. You can't do anything about him for now, so just accept that you're a slowpoke forest boy.

Anyway, there are three houses in this row. Enter the one in the middle and talk to the sick boy in bed. He'll let you borrow his Bug Catching Net. This will allow you to catch wild Bees and Faeries to put in bottles. This is definitely a must have item! Although if I were sick I wouldn't give away my things to a random stranger. And if I were Link I wouldn't touch a diseased Bug Catching Net or a diseased anything. But don't worry, you can't get sick from him. If you go into the house on the right (the one surrounded by bushes), you'll see a man who runs a dormitory. He tells you a long story. Not worth it.

Go to the southwest corner of town and you'll see bushes and a doorless structure. Destroy the bushes. If you're lucky, you may find a Faerie in the bushes. If you see it, USE THE BUG CATCHING NET TO PUT IT IN YOUR BOTTLE! Faeries are nice. They restore seven Hearts, and if you die, they'll automatically restore seven Hearts for you. And since you only have four Hearts right now, that's a full recovery. You may also find some more Bombs in the bushes. Place a Bomb at the bottom center of the structure to open a door inside. There are pots with stuff inside (including more Bombs) as well as some Rats.

Go east from all this mess and you'll see a man and some Chickens. As much fun as attacking the Chickens can be, don't do it, or all the Chickens in the village will come and attack you, dealing LOTS of damage. Plus you have to live with the shame that you attacked a Chicken. How could you....

Anyway, talk to the man and he'll tell you where Sahasrahla REALLY is. He'll mark the spot on the map for you. The building next to him has a shop selling Life Medicine for 150 Rupees, a Recovery Heart for 10 Rupees, and 10 Bombs for 50 Rupees. None of it is worth it, and the Life Medicine is ridiculously overpriced. The Life Medicine completely restores your health, but for now you have Faeries that can do that. And he won't sell it to you anyway because you don't have an empty Bottle.

Anyway, go into the Inn, which is the next building. Here, you'll see some people who are really drunk off their asses and will tell you stories about girls and flutes and stuff. You'll see a treasure chest here you can't reach. Don't get frustrated because we're gonna open it now! Go out of the Inn and go in the back door (walk into the back of the building). Open the chest to get another Magic Bottle, which brings your total up to two. Now, leave the Inn and go into the far left house in the row of three houses. There are a lot of Chickens inside and a crack in the right wall. Bomb the crack and go into a room with a chest containing 10 Arrows, which you have no use for right now.

That's all there is to do in this area. You can go to the screen to the southeast and you'll find Smithy's shop. He can temper Swords, but he's not gonna do it alone, so there's nothing you can do here. The cave underneath his house also has nothing in it, so ignore that.

If you go south from Kakariko Village, you'll be in an area with three houses. One of them is the Library, and there's nothing in here you need. There's a book way high up on the shelf, but try as you can, you'll never be able to get it. Yeah, that's it. Get pissed! Because we ain't getting it now. The lower right house has a gambling game: pay 20 Rupees and you can open one of three chests. One chest has one Rupee, one has 20, and one has 100. Don't waste your money here.

The last house you'll see is the Quarreling Brothers' House. The older brother sealed the door to his little brother's room. And you're gonna force them to make nice by being a terrorist and blowing up the door. Go through the hole you made in the west wall and you'll find out that the younger brother is ready to make up. Leave this door, and you'll be outside a game where you need to go through a maze in 15 seconds or less. Talk to the woman to start. The fastest way through the maze is to notice the markings by the fence near the sign in the maze. This means you can jump that fence. So jump it and talk to the man to get a Piece of Heart. This should bring your total to four Pieces of Heart, which will expand your life meter to five Heart Containers! Sweet! Anyway, you're done here, so leave at the southeast exit.

The Witch and the Ruins

This next part of the walkthrough involves a lot of walking for you. So we're actually going to walk through Hyrule! This should be tons of fun. So head southeast out of Kakariko and immediately head south. You'll see a lot of bushes blocking the path. This path leads to the Haunted Grove, where you'll find a little boy playing a Flute to a lot of animals. But he'll disappear as you approach them and the animals will run away! This place is important, just not right now. Anyway, leave the Haunted Grove, go east and then north and you'll be back at your house. There are lots of Guards on the way, including a blue one that shoots a bow and arrow. You can fend off arrows with your Shield, and killing it sometimes drops useless Arrows.

Head south from your house to enter the Great Swamp. There are lots of Guards here;, most of them have a bow and arrow. There are some green ones with bows and arrows that pop out of the grass, and if you're unlucky green ones with swords will pop out of the grass you cut. There are also rabbits in the grass, and if you cut the grass the rabbit is jumping on, he'll say "All right, take it, thief!" and give you either a Recovery Heart or a Faerie, which is kind of funny. You can pull on one of the statues in the eastern part of the swamp to get some extra Rupees, and the northeast corner of the swamp has a hole you can bomb to find a Faerie Queen. You can't capture a Faerie Queen, but she will provide you with a full recovery. But the real reason we're here is to go to the southern swamp. The Swamp Ruins are here. Go inside them. There's a chest with some Bombs that you can get to by pushing the two side blocks up and the center one to the left or right. After you get that chest, leave and reenter. Now, push the center block up and one of the other blocks to the right. Go into the next room and pull on the right lever to release the watergate (the left lever is dangerous; it rains down activated bombs into the room). When you pull on the right lever, leave and you'll notice the swamp is dried up and there's a Piece of Heart lying around. Get it.

You're done here, so head back up to your house. From this area, exit via the southeast path that goes to a bridge. You'll see some more Guards here, green and blue. One of them will have a Bow and Arrow, so be aware of that. If you want to go south from here, you can, but there's nothing of interest there. Just another shop that sells the same overpriced junk you buy in Kakariko and another Fortune Teller to waste your hard-earned Rupees on. So don't go south. Besides, you never know whose overprotective NRA-member father is going to shoot you for coming too close to his daughter down there. Head north instead across the bridge and go north from there.

You'll notice a new enemy here: the Octorok. These things move around and stop to fire rocks REALLY fast in all directions. These rocks-and the Octoroks-HURT (one Heart), but you can kill them easily with one hit from your Sword and your Shield protects you from the rocks. They often drop lots and lots of Rupees. Keep going north if you don't want to deal with them. You'll come to another bridge soon, with some blue Guards wielding bows and arrows. Keep going north, cutting the bushes in the way. Eventually you'll see another new enemy. This one is called the Buzzblob, and you can't use your Sword because it's electrically charged and if you attack it with your Sword you'll take damage instead. You can only hit it while it's stunned from the Boomerang. Anyway, head east from here and you'll come to a witch and a hut. Talk to the witch. She wants that Mushroom you picked in the Lost Woods. Give it to her (use the Y button just like any other item), and then go over one screen and come back.

Now, go into the hut. This is the Magic Shop. The shopkeeper will have something sitting next to him. Pick it up. It's Magic Powder, which uses power from your Magic Meter to turn enemies into other kinds of enemies. It actually has its uses, and I'll tell you when you need to use it. And the stuff they sell here is pretty useful. They sell Life Medicine for a reduced price of 120 Rupees, Magic Medicine for 60 Rupees (it refills your Magic Meter), and blue Cure-all Medicine for 160 Rupees, which restores both your life and magic. If you have any empty bottles and a lot of Rupees, you might want to buy some Cure-all, but you don't need it right now. You will late in the game though, so remember this place.

Now, go all the way back down to the bridge south of the Octoroks. We're going to head to the first dungeon!

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