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The Legend of Zelda: The Abridged Series

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The Legend of Zelda: The Abridged Series is a series of parody videos based loosely on The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time created by adamwestslapdog. Being a parody, the series plot line features several changes from the original, some of which only barely resemble the original storyline. Footage for the series consists of clips from online speedruns, and all the dialogue is performed by the creator. Despite its low production level, the series has achieved much popularity on YouTube. It was followed by Majora's Mask: The Abridged Series.

Plot

Non-canon warning: This article or section contains non-canonical information that is not considered to be an official part of the Legend of Zelda series and should not be considered part of the overall storyline.

Outset

The series begins with the Great Dooku Tree sending Navi to awaken Link and become his fairy (and get a squirrel out of him in exchange for a Sacred Emerald). Navi gets to Link, scared from all the things the Kokiri were doing, and Link, after getting beaten up, agrees. This takes four hours, since Link gets overexcited about finding a sword, shield, 2 Rupees, and a stick. Finally, Link walks into the Great Dooku Tree, thinking it's perfectly safe. However, before Link can get too far into the tree, he lights a fire with his Dooku Stick and burns the entire forest down, blaming the incident on Ganondorf, who was saving children. Before Link can get away, however, he is confronted by Saria, who gives him a Fairy Ocarina and confesses her love for Link. Link agrees to stay until Saria scares him away with promises of a Whoopi Goldberg film marathon.

The Great Cataclysm

After narrowly escaping from Owly McOwl, Link and Navi arrive in Castle Town and meet Malon and Mario. In order to gain access into Hyrule Castle, they steal the broken milk cartons and get a job for the Royal Family. However, before they can do so, Link sees Princess Zelda for the first time and falls in love with her (though the infatuation is one-sided). Zelda then instructs Link and Navi to get the three Spiritual Stones for her to stop the evil orphanage builder Ganondorf (though only because she thinks they're pretty). With that, they are escorted out.

Soon, Link arrives in Kakariko Village and climbs Death Mountain (though not without some delay from a soldier) and meets with the party-happy Darunia, who tells him to feed his giant pet Dodongo and listen to his 74 songs about partying. During their efforts to feed Dodongo, though, Link accidentally feeds it a Bomb, but still gets his Spiritual Stone. Later, in the Zora's Domain, Link and Navi meet King Zora XVI, who sends them into Lord Jabu-Jabu to retrieve his daughter, but they wind up killing the giant fish's brain. However, Princess Ruto is rescued, and says that she will give Link the Stone as long as he did not hurt Lord Jabu-Jabu. Link explains that he thinks Lord Jabu-Jabu "won't be able to feel pain anymore" and is given the third Spiritual Stone.

With all the stones in hand, Link returns to Zelda, but finds her on the run from the well-intentioned Ganondorf (who has heard that the Hyrule police are being laid off and has therefore turned evil to keep them from being laid off), and has to go into the Temple of Time to await his punishment. Unfortunately, Link's curiosity cannot be contained, and he pulls out the Master Sword (which he believes will make him King of England like the Sword in the Stone and make Zelda fall in love with him), granting Ganondorf access to the Sacred Realm while Link is frozen. When he wakes up seven years later, Rauru makes him go and get the other six Sages to build a magic bridge (even though he could hire a bridge builder) because he has the Triforce of Courage. Link also receives an oversized novelty coin (which he can't even use) from Rauru and later, the other sages. Before he sets out, however, Sheik (a very manly man) shows up and informs Link that Ganondorf found out his ancestry (Richard Nixon) and turned Hyrule into a nightmare.

Awakening of the Sages

Upon obtaining the Mini-Rocket Launcher, Link goes to the Forest Temple and duels Banondorf, emerging victorious (thanks to Wii Sports) and reveals Saria as the Sage of Forest. After a filler episode (wherein Link obtains Epona and meets Luigi), Link and Navi return to Death Mountain to awaken the Sage of Fire, free the Gorons (though Link forgets to do that) and obtain the MC Hammer. Once Volvagia the country-singing dragon (who loves Johnny Cash's song Ring of Fire), is defeated, Darunia is revealed to be the Sage of Fire, and sends Link to the Water Temple to rescue the Sage of Water . While there, Link decides to meet Dark Link, who Link believes to be himself with the head of Mr. T, but turns out to be his counterpart from the The Legend of Zelda animated series. After the defeat of the abomination and subsequently, Morpha, Link declines an offer of marriage from Princess Ruto and moves on.

Back in Kakariko, Link finds Sheik under attack from Bongo Bongo (who Link had freed by leaving his Bomb Bag in Death Mountain Crater), and almost gets himself killed in the process of saving him, and returns to the angry drummer in the Shadow Temple and rescues the Sage of Shadow, Impa. Soon, the duo wind up in Gerudo Valley, where they have a short, strange adventure before moving onto the Spirit Temple to save Nabooru from Shredder in the past and Twinrova in the future.

Upon killing the old ladies, Link and Navi return to the Temple of Time to find Sheik, who reveals himself to be Zelda in disguise (though Link thinks Sheik was Ganondorf disguised all the time). However, before the Sage of Light can do much, she is kidnapped by Ganondorf, and is taken to his castle, causing Link to rush off after her.

Final Battle

In Ganon's Castle, Zelda requests that Ganondorf play a happier song on his organ, giving Link a boost in morale during his final confrontation. Using his purple magic, Ganondorf keeps Navi out of the fight, but is not able to keep Link from defeating him or his vow from causing his castle from falling on his head. However, he resurfaces as Ganon, and knocks the Master Sword away; however, Link had thought to obtain Biggoron's Sword, and easily defeats him, condemning Ganondorf to an eternity with adamwestslapdog and Gary Brolsma.

With Ganon defeated, Zelda hosts a party in Link's honor (which he is not allowed to attend) and forces him to go back in time. Suddenly, Navi leaves forever, and Link is left alone to give Zelda the news of Ganondorf's plans (which she is not interested in).

Characters

Main Characters

  • Link: Portrayed in this series as a thick-headed idiot, Link has a tendency to charge into action without any thought, say incredibly stupid things that annoy everyone around him, and is normally completely ignorant of his surroundings. He has a tendency to dream up insane ideas, including, but not limited to: taking the Master Sword to become King of England, imagining Dark Link as the Mr. T version of himself, completely ignoring the fact that Zelda hates him, and completely missing the reality that Zelda and Sheik are one and the same. Despite his flaws, Link still manages to fulfill his role as the Hero of Time.
  • Navi: Link's fairy companion, Navi is portrayed as one of the few intelligent people in Hyrule, and is constantly annoyed by Link's actions. Despite her role as his companion, she repeatedly insults Link and causes him bodily harm. However, she continuously fills her role of helping Link throughout the adventure.
  • Princess Zelda: The Princess of Hyrule and the Seventh Sage, Zelda is seen as a spoiled brat by most during her childhood, but Link sees her as the epitome of perfection. Unfortunately, Zelda does not share his feelings, and verbally assaults him at every chance. In the future, she appears to have grown up, but still harbors negative feelings toward Link.
  • Ganondorf: The main villain of the series, Ganondorf initially was a good man with a questionable quest to raise the crime rate in Hyrule (only because the Hylian Knights were out of work because there was no crime; so, to do the right thing, he had to become evil). However, once Link accidentally sealed himself away, Ganondorf got his hands on the Triforce and discovered his ancestry, becoming the King of Evil. Unlike in the main series, his past as a stand-up comedian gives him time for several strange jokes whenever he appears.
  • Sheik: The alter-ego of Princess Zelda, Sheik is shown as having a hard time adjusting to life as a male even after seven years, and often slips into bouts of femininity. Like Zelda, Sheik hates Link, and appears to have mastered playing hard rock and heavy metal songs on the harp.

Seven Sages

  • Saria: The Sage of Forest, Saria is not too terribly different from the main game, aside from her love for Link and Whoopi Goldberg.
  • Darunia: The Sage of Fire, Darunia is the leader of the Gorons and is obsessed with partying so much that he fails to notice that his pet has been killed or his people are being eaten.
  • Princess Ruto: The Sage of Water, Ruto is the daughter of King Zora, and has a huge crush on Link. Despite her constant attempts at tricking Link into marrying and mating with her, she never quite succeeds (though she comes close).
  • Impa: The Sage of Shadow and Zelda's nursemaid, Impa has very few appearances in the series, and shows herself as slightly sexually charged when she does. She speaks with a heavy Norse accent.
  • Nabooru: The Sage of Spirit, Nabooru is a Gerudo with an Australian accent who tried to break into the Spirit Temple. However, she was captured and forced to fight Link by Twinrova.
  • Rauru: The Sage of Light, Rauru lives in the Temple of Light and gives instructions to Link when he is lost as an adult. Evidently, he enjoys Captain Planet and hates young people, even though he is one of the few people able to tolerate Link.

Bosses

  • King Dodongo: Darunia's pet which he instructs Link to feed. Link accidentally feeds him a bomb and kills him.
  • Barinade: The brain of the Great Jabu Jabu. Link accidentally kills it and kills Jabu Jabu in the process.
  • Banondorf (Phantom Ganon): The phantom of Ganondorf. Link manages to defeat him with his Tennis skills gained from playing Wii Sports.
  • Volvagia: A dragon that kidnapped all of the Gorons and stole Darunia's karaoke machine. He enjoys country music. Link defeats him with his Whack-A-Mole skills using the MC Hammer (the Megaton Hammer dubbed Megacrush Hammer by Link).
  • Dark Link: The cartoon version of Link, who Link at first conceives to be a likeness of himself with Mr. T's head in place of his own. Link manages to defeat him by knocking him out the window. The fairy alongside is referred to as 'Dark Navi'.
  • Morpha: The boss of the Water Temple. At the beginning of the battle, Link leaves to go to the bathroom. He manages to defeat Morpha by flushing the toilet.
  • Bongo Bongo: At first Link thinks that it is one of the rabbits rumored to be in the Shadow Temple. Bongo Bongo is angry that nobody ever remembers the name of a drummer in a band. Link defeats him by giving him the treasure of "I've got an arrow in my eye".
  • Shredder: An Iron Knuckle. Link first encounters him as a child and thinks it is Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He defeats him by yelling "Turtle Power" and stabs him. Seven years later, Link encounters it again, even though it is just Nabooru.
  • Twinrova: Two old ladies who capture Nabooru for trespassing on their lawn. When Link arrives, they believe him to be a gang kid. Link defeats the first phase by showing them their reflections with the Mirror Shield. They soon combine, which doubles their beauty, power, and age. They then realize that they are too old, and then die.

Non-canon warning: Non-canonical information ends here.

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